I don't want to be just another guy talking about Proposition 8 in California.  There is enough vitriol flying around the internet already.

I want to try to write a perspective of one who has, as some would say, unorthodox views.  Others might call them apostate.

Let me say that I sustain the leaders of the church as prophets, seers and revelators.  Were I a California resident, I would vote as commanded.  I have thrown my lot in with these people, I would obey.  My reasoning for this is a story for another time.

Here is the skinny: I am very disturbed at how the issue has been treated by university students, and maybe by church members in general...I feel like there are proposition 8 pep rallies all around me, simplifying a complicated issue into a buzzword or a slogan.

The "do as you're told, maintain the status quo" mentality is what kept us in the Garden of Eden. 

Like many people, I formed my opinions on gay marriage and its legal implications a long time before the church came out so heavily for Proposition 8.  Initially I was very opposed to it (shocking!).  I came to conclusions, I had personal experiences and friendships that shaped my worldview and put me into a position to see things from a different perspective.  It is not something I am detached from, nor am I in that comfortable naive state where how we decide to treat homosexuals is a problem that doesn't affect me or the people I love.  None of us are, though many would like to believe that homosexuals just don't exist.

My purpose is not to discuss homosexuality, or even the California elections.  I am talking about a fundamental flaw I see in how we approach our politics as a culture.  Any iota of reticence towards "Yes on 8" is met with disdain and name calling by many; the campus newspaper is sprinkled with terms like "apostate" and "disobedience."  Really?

I am sorry, but this is more than a fad for me.  This election will come and go and you will stop caring and trying to get me to man phone banks.  You will move onto the next hot button issue, or more likely whatever is hot fall fashion this year.

I would that before we start trying to control or subvert certain behaviors, we should take a long hard look at our behavior towards others.  That is the morality that I would vote for.  Even chastity, if it has not charity, is nothing.

After sitting here for a few moments, I would state that I admire the writer in his craft. There is so much inside of each one of us, or inside me anyway, but tapping that and communicating one's humanity to other humans can seem challenging sometimes.

Maybe it is not that; I could type up a generic blog post a la "OMG LiFe is SO HarD!" in a couple of minutes, but I have enough emptiness inside of me to be creating more while taking up valuable space on the innerweb.

Is it just me or does it feel like we are on the cusp of history? Not history in the strictist sense I guess; time keeps on flowing into the future, so I guess that literally we are always "on the cusp of history," but you know what I mean. I think Billy Joel needs to write another few verses to "We Didn't Start the Fire." It would talk about George Bush and the War in Iraq and such craziness. (You can even read my last post as a teenager on this very blog, the day the invasion was launched.)

(Don't read anything else older than that though. It is embarassing.)

I feel like I am getting swept up in the lot of it. I won't talk about the election, not yet anyway, but there is a general feeling in the air that changes are coming. The Church is involving itself in politics in a way that it hasn't done for decades and taking a stance that frankly surprised me. (Also something to write about another day.) Asia rises, it seems as though the west is in decline. The world is changing and I am barely on the fringe of it. All the while I am making decisions in these weeks that will dramatically determine the course of my career.

On top of it all, I need to quell the sincerest desires of my heart . Follow your heart, but know that it feels like prison when you can't(OMG DRAMA). Love is risky business.

It makes doing laundry and grocery shopping sound so small time.

On Loss.


I came across this gem a few days ago:

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question 'Whither?'

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

--Robert Frost

I love how poetry and scripture can articulate things for us humans. Too often I find myself lacking in articularity when I try to communicate a feeling or an experience, so I happily rob the words of the poets and the prophets, letting them speak for me.

So why am I still talking then?

There is something supremely human about loss and unfulfilled expectation. One feels a special kind of grief, something so tangible that you almost feel like if you knew where to grasp, you could rip it out of yourself and just leave it all behind. We try, but of course reality trumps our intuition, and you end up feeling even more fully empty than before. It is so real yet so fleeting.

It is kind of like trying to find a pattern describing the sequence of prime numbers isn't it?

I would avoid cliches, but in the end there is always hope. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Robyn has changed my ways. Period.

Seriously.

So this was me when I was young and foolish. Maybe I will post again, now older and wiser?

I am dating Robyn, and I want all the world to see we've met. Lai dai dai dai dai dai!

A ruler cannot mobilize his armies in a rage; a commander cannot incite a battle in the heat of the moment. Move if it is to your advantage; bide your time if it is not. A person in a fit of rage can be restored to good humor and a person in the heat of passion can be restored to good cheer, but a state that has perished cannot be revived, and the dead cannot be brought back to life. Thus the farsighted ruler approaches battle with prudence, and the good commander moves with caution. This is the way to keep the state secure and to preserve the army intact.

Well, its been awhile, I know, but you know what? I've been usy having fun, so HA!

Anyway, yeah, its monday night, this past weekend has been so wicked awesome, but weekends have the tendency to end and go straight to monday.

Well, I have something to rant about. I said in my very first post that continuity would probably not be achieved, but it seems like that hasnt happened since the majority of my posts are related to school. Well, let me tell you, school is just plain not fun right now, so it gives me lots of ammo. Plus, this is a different aspect of school, so I guess its not really 100% the same. Anyway, this little intro has gone on way to long, so at long last, I unveil the topic of my rant -

Extended School Days

...dramatic reverb...

Yes, today marked the day that we began our new and exciting extended schedule! WaaHoo!

I've never had such an urge to shoot myself....

Now, this would be alot easier if it even appeared that the policy makers in this so-called "School System" (SS!!! coincidence? I think not!) had any reasoning or rationale behind the way they did this, but alas, tis not to be. Let me rephrase that - It would be easier if it even appeared they thought about us when they made this decision. Let me tell you how this works: I go to first period like normal, then I go to second periond for an extra 7 minutes, third period for an extra 10 minutes, and last period for an extra 13 minutes. Take a look at this...we have to do this becuase we missed so much school and are sooooo far behind everyone else. Well, thats what they tell you at least. Do they honestly think that a teacher is going to take that extra 10 minutes and teach a tenth on a lesson so that we can catch up? HECK NO!!!

Like I mentioned in my other posts, the SS here is motiviated by money. That is the only way that this behaviour can be explained. The schools here need a certain amount of class time to qualify for federal funding. If they were really interested in our educational welfare, as they were elected to do, then they would have chose something a tad more productive, not this time-eating, mind numbing, path of least resistence. Let me put forward a suggestion...a very simple one...one that would be easy, AND productive. Just rotate the extra half hour around the classes!!! Whoa, is that difficult....NO! Will we learn more and get caught up faster? YES!

The teachers aren't happy about this, the students aren't happy about this...lets check and see who is happy about it. OH YEAH!! The people that make decisions for the schools but Don't Ever Go. I honestly think that if any of those lazy, fat, weakened heart bigwigs spent a week going to high school, their perspective might change a little bit. Then again, they are SS, maybe I'm giving them a little to much credit. I mean, have any of YOU ever seen one display any emotion? Thought not.

Jared out

Thursday night! that means that tomorrow is....FRIDAY.

And seeing how that is the day before me and giraffe's birthdays, we are gonna part-y! Which brings up my next rant topic.

Tomorrow, we are going to party. It's going to consist of a bunch of friends, hanging out, playing games, eating, etc. etc. etc. Know what though? Out of all the people I know, me and my friends are the only group of people that do that. Everyone else gets wasted and stoned and what not. I have one thing to ask you people -- is it fun? Really, you are just impairing your thoughts, you become stupid, you're just shut off for awhile. Every single weekend, my friends and I hang out -- sometimes we just talk, and know what? We enjoy ourselves!! It's actually fun!! I have seen what others do on their weekend...you walk into the house, and they are all drunk, someone inevitably pukes all over the place, and they just sit there in their sodden state. High people are even worse, they just get this look on their face, and they go around doing stupid stuff, making a total fool of themselves, babbling incoherently, etc. etc.

When you were taught how to interact with people, did you skip the "how to have fun" lesson? I've never been drunk or high, but I've seen it, and that has done more for me than D.A.R.E. ever will. The only way that I can think of justifying drinking would be having a really screwed up life, and having only alcohol to distract you from it. In that case, you might have a reason to drink -- to quote the great Billy Joel -- to forget about life for awhile.

Cmon people, we are pretty much KIDS still - We can kick back and have fun. We are not a bunch of Irish Factory Workers in 1870's New York, we don't have a reason to drink. Stop letting society and your peers program you and just enjoy yourselves!

Jared out