da cynic

2008-11-03T00:35:00.005-05:00

I don't want to be just another guy talking about Proposition 8 in California. There is enough vitriol flying around the internet already.

I want to try to write a perspective of one who has, as some would say, unorthodox views. Others might call them apostate.

Let me say that I sustain the leaders of the church as prophets, seers and revelators. Were I a California resident, I would vote as commanded. I have thrown my lot in with these people, I would obey. My reasoning for this is a story for another time.

Here is the skinny: I am very disturbed at how the issue has been treated by university students, and maybe by church members in general...I feel like there are proposition 8 pep rallies all around me, simplifying a complicated issue into a buzzword or a slogan.

The "do as you're told, maintain the status quo" mentality is what kept us in the Garden of Eden.

Like many people, I formed my opinions on gay marriage and its legal implications a long time before the church came out so heavily for Proposition 8. Initially I was very opposed to it (shocking!). I came to conclusions, I had personal experiences and friendships that shaped my worldview and put me into a position to see things from a different perspective. It is not something I am detached from, nor am I in that comfortable naive state where how we decide to treat homosexuals is a problem that doesn't affect me or the people I love. None of us are, though many would like to believe that homosexuals just don't exist.

My purpose is not to discuss homosexuality, or even the California elections. I am talking about a fundamental flaw I see in how we approach our politics as a culture. Any iota of reticence towards "Yes on 8" is met with disdain and name calling by many; the campus newspaper is sprinkled with terms like "apostate" and "disobedience." Really?

I am sorry, but this is more than a fad for me. This election will come and go and you will stop caring and trying to get me to man phone banks. You will move onto the next hot button issue, or more likely whatever is hot fall fashion this year.

I would that before we start trying to control or subvert certain behaviors, we should take a long hard look at our behavior towards others. That is the morality that I would vote for. Even chastity, if it has not charity, is nothing.

2008-10-26T22:00:00.003-04:00

After sitting here for a few moments, I would state that I admire the writer in his craft. There is so much inside of each one of us, or inside me anyway, but tapping that and communicating one's humanity to other humans can seem challenging sometimes.

Maybe it is not that; I could type up a generic blog post a la "OMG LiFe is SO HarD!" in a couple of minutes, but I have enough emptiness inside of me to be creating more while taking up valuable space on the innerweb.

Is it just me or does it feel like we are on the cusp of history? Not history in the strictist sense I guess; time keeps on flowing into the future, so I guess that literally we are always "on the cusp of history," but you know what I mean. I think Billy Joel needs to write another few verses to "We Didn't Start the Fire." It would talk about George Bush and the War in Iraq and such craziness. (You can even read my last post as a teenager on this very blog, the day the invasion was launched.)

(Don't read anything else older than that though. It is embarassing.)

I feel like I am getting swept up in the lot of it. I won't talk about the election, not yet anyway, but there is a general feeling in the air that changes are coming. The Church is involving itself in politics in a way that it hasn't done for decades and taking a stance that frankly surprised me. (Also something to write about another day.) Asia rises, it seems as though the west is in decline. The world is changing and I am barely on the fringe of it. All the while I am making decisions in these weeks that will dramatically determine the course of my career.

On top of it all, I need to quell the sincerest desires of my heart . Follow your heart, but know that it feels like prison when you can't(OMG DRAMA). Love is risky business.

It makes doing laundry and grocery shopping sound so small time.

2008-10-18T22:12:00.002-04:00

On Loss.

I came across this gem a few days ago:

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question 'Whither?'

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

--Robert Frost

I love how poetry and scripture can articulate things for us humans. Too often I find myself lacking in articularity when I try to communicate a feeling or an experience, so I happily rob the words of the poets and the prophets, letting them speak for me.

So why am I still talking then?

There is something supremely human about loss and unfulfilled expectation. One feels a special kind of grief, something so tangible that you almost feel like if you knew where to grasp, you could rip it out of yourself and just leave it all behind. We try, but of course reality trumps our intuition, and you end up feeling even more fully empty than before. It is so real yet so fleeting.

It is kind of like trying to find a pattern describing the sequence of prime numbers isn't it?

I would avoid cliches, but in the end there is always hope. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

2008-09-21T21:16:00.002-04:00

Robyn has changed my ways. Period.

Seriously.

So this was me when I was young and foolish. Maybe I will post again, now older and wiser?

I am dating Robyn, and I want all the world to see we've met. Lai dai dai dai dai dai!

2003-03-19T23:45:00.000-05:00

A ruler cannot mobilize his armies in a rage; a commander cannot incite a battle in the heat of the moment. Move if it is to your advantage; bide your time if it is not. A person in a fit of rage can be restored to good humor and a person in the heat of passion can be restored to good cheer, but a state that has perished cannot be revived, and the dead cannot be brought back to life. Thus the farsighted ruler approaches battle with prudence, and the good commander moves with caution. This is the way to keep the state secure and to preserve the army intact.

2003-03-17T23:23:00.000-05:00

Well, its been awhile, I know, but you know what? I've been usy having fun, so HA!

Anyway, yeah, its monday night, this past weekend has been so wicked awesome, but weekends have the tendency to end and go straight to monday.

Well, I have something to rant about. I said in my very first post that continuity would probably not be achieved, but it seems like that hasnt happened since the majority of my posts are related to school. Well, let me tell you, school is just plain not fun right now, so it gives me lots of ammo. Plus, this is a different aspect of school, so I guess its not really 100% the same. Anyway, this little intro has gone on way to long, so at long last, I unveil the topic of my rant -

Extended School Days

...dramatic reverb...

Yes, today marked the day that we began our new and exciting extended schedule! WaaHoo!

I've never had such an urge to shoot myself....

Now, this would be alot easier if it even appeared that the policy makers in this so-called "School System" (SS!!! coincidence? I think not!) had any reasoning or rationale behind the way they did this, but alas, tis not to be. Let me rephrase that - It would be easier if it even appeared they thought about us when they made this decision. Let me tell you how this works: I go to first period like normal, then I go to second periond for an extra 7 minutes, third period for an extra 10 minutes, and last period for an extra 13 minutes. Take a look at this...we have to do this becuase we missed so much school and are sooooo far behind everyone else. Well, thats what they tell you at least. Do they honestly think that a teacher is going to take that extra 10 minutes and teach a tenth on a lesson so that we can catch up? HECK NO!!!

Like I mentioned in my other posts, the SS here is motiviated by money. That is the only way that this behaviour can be explained. The schools here need a certain amount of class time to qualify for federal funding. If they were really interested in our educational welfare, as they were elected to do, then they would have chose something a tad more productive, not this time-eating, mind numbing, path of least resistence. Let me put forward a suggestion...a very simple one...one that would be easy, AND productive. Just rotate the extra half hour around the classes!!! Whoa, is that difficult....NO! Will we learn more and get caught up faster? YES!

The teachers aren't happy about this, the students aren't happy about this...lets check and see who is happy about it. OH YEAH!! The people that make decisions for the schools but Don't Ever Go. I honestly think that if any of those lazy, fat, weakened heart bigwigs spent a week going to high school, their perspective might change a little bit. Then again, they are SS, maybe I'm giving them a little to much credit. I mean, have any of YOU ever seen one display any emotion? Thought not.

Jared out

2003-03-13T22:56:00.000-05:00

Thursday night! that means that tomorrow is....FRIDAY.

And seeing how that is the day before me and giraffe's birthdays, we are gonna part-y! Which brings up my next rant topic.

Tomorrow, we are going to party. It's going to consist of a bunch of friends, hanging out, playing games, eating, etc. etc. etc. Know what though? Out of all the people I know, me and my friends are the only group of people that do that. Everyone else gets wasted and stoned and what not. I have one thing to ask you people -- is it fun? Really, you are just impairing your thoughts, you become stupid, you're just shut off for awhile. Every single weekend, my friends and I hang out -- sometimes we just talk, and know what? We enjoy ourselves!! It's actually fun!! I have seen what others do on their weekend...you walk into the house, and they are all drunk, someone inevitably pukes all over the place, and they just sit there in their sodden state. High people are even worse, they just get this look on their face, and they go around doing stupid stuff, making a total fool of themselves, babbling incoherently, etc. etc.

When you were taught how to interact with people, did you skip the "how to have fun" lesson? I've never been drunk or high, but I've seen it, and that has done more for me than D.A.R.E. ever will. The only way that I can think of justifying drinking would be having a really screwed up life, and having only alcohol to distract you from it. In that case, you might have a reason to drink -- to quote the great Billy Joel -- to forget about life for awhile.

Cmon people, we are pretty much KIDS still - We can kick back and have fun. We are not a bunch of Irish Factory Workers in 1870's New York, we don't have a reason to drink. Stop letting society and your peers program you and just enjoy yourselves!

Jared out

2003-03-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm finally home. I've been gone since a quarter to 6 this morning.

If you read my last post, then you know I took the english multiple choice SOL yesterday. Well, I took the writing section today, and let me tell you, it made the multiple choice seem like an AP exam. It blew my mind.

Let me give you the question

---- Mark Twain once said that "The best way to make yourself feel better, is to make someone else feel better. (words to that effect)" Write about how you have helped someone, and in doing so, made yourself feel better.

What the heck is this? WHAT IS THIS?! You have no idea my reaction when I saw this. I was stunned. Who thought of this? Who is in charge? Someone please tell me so I eradicate their seed from the earth.

I sat there for about 45 minutes, with my eyes closed, trying to contain myself. I tried and tried to convince myself to do this right, to just get my pass-advanced and be done with it. Who was I kidding?

After the said time passed, I just let loose. The words flowed from mind to hand to pencil to paper effortlessly. I gave them a story all right -- in fact it was even a story about helping someone. However, I sort of lashed out against the system in the progress. The essay was narrated by an anonymous narrator, who tells his story about his best friend, Jared Webb. He goes on to tell how they met -- the narrator found Jared in a darkened room, staring at the light switch, muttering incoherent jibber-jabber under his breath. The narrator, intrigued, flips on the light. Jared gives a wail, and falls to the ground. Mr. Narrator dude was surprised to say the least, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. In a move that sent shivers down his spine, Jared looked up, and gave him a look as if he was God. A wave of pity swept over him, and he became determined to use his influence to save Jared from the useless animal he had become due to the Virginia Public School System, where standardized tests and feel-good essay questions were more important than learning.

That's basically my first paragraph after the opening. Long story short, the narrator re-ignites Jared's drive to learn, and he is now capable of speaking 8 languages and do quantum mechanics in his head. Throughout the essay I stabbed at the school system. In hindsight, I realize that my essay might be tossed out the window. Lets hope that whoever grades it has a sense of humor! If not, I'll just retake it, and hopefully I will have enough restraint next time.

Something has to be done. I am tired of having no one on the school board that takes absolutely zero input from the student body. They could at least pretend to care. They make decisions that pertain to me, and how I spend the majority of my waking hours, yet I have no say in what happens? They could at least poll the student population to see what we think about things. We want to be heard! Hear us! Most of us aren't as stupid as we look.

Another valuable day at school wasted...tsk tsk. Only when things get really bad will they realize the errors of their ways.

Jared Out

2003-03-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

Well well, I just got home from school, and I'm ready to rant.

Today I took my english SOL. For those of you who don't attend Virginia publics schools, SOL stands for standards of learning. Apparently, the SOL tests to see whether or not you are proficient in the topic you are being tested on. A huge deal is made of it, and lots of class time is spent preparing exclusively for the SOL. You know what though? They are all bull-crap!!

Never have I wasted so much time this school year! At least when I sleep through a class, I might be getting some sub-conscious signals, but this...this...this...thing, this SOL, was the most ridiculous, most retarded hour and a half of my life. I'm currently taking AP Englihsh (Lang/Comp), and it was insulting to have to sit and answer questions any second grader with a speech impediment could answer. If I meet anyone that fails that test, I am going to slap them in the face. Really, anyone that couldn't pass this test needs to be sent to nursery school to learn how to talk again. I mean, c'mon, I think that after I enter high school, SPELLING should already be taken care of, and is totally irrelevant in my standard of learning.

One of the things that makes me the most angry about this whole thing is that someone on the Board of Edumacation is up in Richmond or wherever pushing for this. Why would they be pushing this? They certainly don't care if we are learning this or not, because they would obviously try something a tad more challenging, as in requiring a brain not ravaged by years of heavy drinking, than the current standards. I have the perfect explanation. MONEY. Yep, its as simple as that. How do schools qualify for money in Virginia? In the nation, for that matter? Standardized testing like the SOL. It all adds up if you think about it. The school board needs more funds to do whatever it is doing. What better way to do that than to inflate standardized test scores by making the tests so easy that anyone can pass? The data would make it appear as though they are doing a good job, and deserving of more money. A perfect scheme.

At my school, we spend out entire year in some of my classes gearing up for the SOL. We have spent entire class periods talking on an irrelevant detail, solely because one or two questions about it might turn up on the SOL. Doesn't anyone realize that this is not the way to learn?! We spend half of our time preparing for a test that any dimwit off the street could pass. Teacher salaries and school funding are dependent on it, so naturally that is where the focus goes. The pain will be felt later when we have an ignorant population incapable of basic math, incapable of composing a business letter, incapable of explaining ideas with any sort of cohesiveness. The American population will be stagnant and we will lose our edge if this is allowed to continue. People wonder why English is becoming corrupted...well take a look at what we are taught. It's amazing that we can speak it at all if passing the SOL means you are proficient in the subject.

I am at school to learn. Exclusively, 100% to learn. For me, its exicting to learn new things, to become knowledgeable, to get one step closer to my potential. Imagine how frustrating it is to me then when we waste time. In that hour and a half, we could have had a discussion on literature and culture -- a thought provoking talk that would have expanded everyones minds to new perspectives and new ideas. Instead, we took a test that required second grade reading skills. What a waste of humanity.

Jared out

2003-03-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

Well well, its been about 10 minutes, and I am feeling the need to rant already!!

The topic is coming to me...out of the mist...it is....CHICAS!!!!!

Yes, chicas, a.k.a. chics a.k.a. girls etc. etc.

I guess the topic is not so much specifically about chicas, but about how they act, especially when around boys, and especially especially about boys that they like. I don't think you girls realize how much power you have over us, or how much you mean to us. First off, you have the power to get anything you want out of us. I'm serious, if we thought it would make you happy, we would jump through hoops -- flaming hoops -- to do it for you. And know what? We don't mind!!! In fact, we love doing things for you -- any sort of thing. As long as we know its going to make you happy, or make you smile, or whatever, we are ready and willing. Thankfully this is not common knowledge, because I have heard that there are girls out there willing to take advantage of this. Thankfully, I've never met any.

Now this all seems well and good, but I bet that any girl that reads this is thinking, "If thats true, how come they hardly ever do anything for me?!" Well, let me tell you why: YOU ARE A MYSTERY!! Honestly, trying to find something nice to do for a chica is like solving a rubics cube sometimes. It's amazing that anything ever gets done for you! Now this may sound bad, but its not you, its us. Trust me. I can think of a quote from a guy expert that sums it up pretty much -- "Guys are soooo Stupid!" Thats right ladies, we are stupid, dumb as rocks, the duller pins in the box, etc. etc. Besides that, we are very very self conscious and nervous around girls. We feel like any step next to such perfect beings could be our last, and nothing scares us more than the possibility of rejection by a chica -- NOTHING.

Another thing I dont think you chicas realize is how much you mean to us. I have no compunction against working all day in order to get a look in the eyes and a smile. Do you realize that a hug can totally make a guy forget about a bad day he just had? Knowing that there is a chica out there that just takes an interest in our lives does so much for us. If you flirt with us, then we are in heaven! I just wish that words were able to convey this! And if you worry about doing something stupid in front of us, (like what we do in front of you!), don't. There is NOTHING you can do to make yourselves look stupid.

Once again, this is sounding good and stuff, but there is a dark side to this. You have the power to make us the happiest people in the world. On the flip side, you can make us feel like crap! Now, getting dumped isn't easy, but it is manageable. However, if you lead us on, and we find out, we are the most devastated beings on the planet. I'm being dead serious here. You are capable of un-intentionally ruining our day/week/month. All I am saying is, that these are powerful emotions you are dealing with here, so be careful and tread lightly. Please.....

Jared out

2003-03-10T18:15:00.000-05:00

Hey Everybody!

This is my first try at this blogging thing, but hopefully I will make it part of my daily routine. I'll start by saying this:

+ I am going to say whatever I want to say

+ There is nothing you can do about it

+ So ha!

Now that that is out of the way, let me tell you what this is going to be like. I am a 16 year old dude with lots of angst and cynicism and confusion and frustration built up about just about anything and everything! So this spot is going to be my spot to let off my steam. Thats right, its for me, myself, and I. I am being curteous for letting you read it. I am going to be switching topics alot, and I doubt that there will be any kind of continuity whatsoever. There is nothing I dont have an opinion on, and I have no opinions I am afraid of voicing. I could be talking about the war in Iraq one day, and then the next I could be talking about chicas. Dont be surprised.

Jared out